How to Deal with Male Competition when Meeting Women
because she was talking to another guy?
Or maybe you saw a group of girls with one or two guys with
them and you ASSUMED the guys were cooler than you so you
avoided approaching because you feared embarrassment.
There are two reasons why guys have a fear in talking with
women who were with other guys.
They assume that the girl is “with” the guy, and assume he’s
her boyfriend.
Guys shouldn’t think this as a barrier of talking to a
woman. Plus - she’s not a guy’s “slave” or a piece of
property, so she is free to talk to whomever she chooses,
especially in a social situation like in the bar where
people meet other people.
Approaching oftenly a woman who is “with” a guy can make you
look more confident, and draw out the jealous side of the
guy, making him look insecure and weak.
The second reason why guys don’t approach woman who is
“with” a guy points to a deep insecurity based on a simple
misconception.
Men tend to be threatened by other men, instantly assuming
that the “other guy” is stronger, cooler, or somehow more
powerful.
This is founded in an ancient survival strategy that has
been hardwired into the human brain.
The social hierarchy is very subtle, and mostly unconscious,
and it’s hard to tell who the more “dominant” person is in
any given interaction. So when a male is confronted by
another male, he doesn’t know how dominant the other guy is.
A guy doesn’t know if he will be embarrassed verbally, or as
was probably common thousands of years ago, beaten up.
To assumed that the guy is a threat is the safest way to
play. Because guys that are too bold may have won a few
confrontations, but it will take them a single mistake that
can end up their game.
And then their genes were taken out of the “race” so to
speak.
Those guys that avoided confrontation and played safe are
the one that can successfully reproduce and survive.
The irony is that nowadays this hard-wired survival strategy
is the basis for most approach anxiety - men makes a false
assumptions that will lead them to avoid approaching women
unnecessarily.
The thing is, when you are in the bar or club and you see a
woman talking to another guy, you would think she’s not WITH
him.
Usually, they JUST MET!
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve approached a woman
thinking she was “with” a guy, only to find out he was some
random dude who just approached her. Or he was just a friend
or relative.
I have regrets to those times that I’ve missed so many
opportunities talking to a woman just because I saw her with
another guy. And this brings me to my first point:
I SHOULDN’T ASSUME THEY ARE TOGETHER UNTIL I SEE A PHYSICAL
EVIDENCE. I DON’T KNOW WHAT HE MEANS TO THE GIRL.
You will know it if you try to act and find out. Just
remember that in time that they are together you should be
alert an respectful, the guy may be the insecure jealous
type and may start a confrontation.
So be smart and wise - don’t just stick around on having a
false judgment.
The idea that the other man can be more “dominant” that you
are is the next important thing that I want to talk about.
The concept of the alpha male is completely outdated. In the
caveman days, the alpha male had real power - he had access
to resources like food, and was physically stronger, so he
could beat up competitors.
But ask yourself if those power still exist today. Every man
can survive on his own if he has the source of income - you
probably have an access to food and shelter if you’re
reading this. You’re all set.
Plus, in this modern world it is irrelevant to use the
physical strength just to beat people up. It’s illegal.
You’ll always end up losing if you attack another person
because the police always win.
If you think about it, you are LETTING RANDOM GUYS STOP YOU
FOR NO REASON!
Pardon my French, but who is HE to say who YOU talk to???
It makes me mad- I recall all the women I missed out on
because I was worried about some DUDE. And I get mad knowing
that other guys are dealing with same crap!
When you’re on your deathbed, you are going to look back on
all the things you did and didn’t do. How painful would it
be to say “I didn’t meet that girl because I was scared of
another guy,” or “there were so many beautiful women I
could’ve enjoyed, but I didn’t even try because I saw them
TALKING to another guy.”
I don’t want that to be you.
So let’s look at this on a deeper level. Seeing another guy
as more dominant means you don’t truly understand dominance.
You see, if you’re concerned with who is more dominant you
instantly make yourself NOT dominant. There’s a better
focus.
To be dominant, you must first THINK like a dominant man.
And dominant men don’t think about who is dominant. So what
do dominant men think about? Whatever it is they are doing
or want.
So when you see another guy talking to a group of girls.
Focus on the girls instead of worrying who is the dominant
between the two of you.
I rarely even acknowledge other guys, because too often it’s
proven to be a waste of time. 9 times out of 10 the girls
don’t even know the guy - they just met him.
Or if they do, he’s a friend of ONE of the girls, and the
rest barely know him.
It’s rare for girls to go out with a guy they are dating -
usually they will bring a guy who is more of a
protector/friend because a guy like that is more valuable
when they go out on the town.
Besides, if he IS with one of the girls, that means he’s NOT
with the other girls - they are fair game.
You are NOT the alpha male by definition, if you are
concerned with who’s the alpha male is. In fact, in this
modern world it’s questionable whether alpha males truly
exist .
Avoid some assumption, just get your focus in a USEFUL
place, and don’t allow some random dude to stop you from
enjoying YOUR LIFE!
